Sunday, March 05, 2006
my mind is constantly thinking of the many "what ifs"
its undeniable that i still think of you.
of us.
i'm not sure what i'm actually missing.
is it you, or is it the times we've had.
is it the endless conversation, or is it just talking to you.
sometimes i wonder whether you'd actually cared.
what was going through your mind back then.
what did it mean to you.
would you have done the same thing if we were sober back then.
but i know.
these are questions which would never be answered.
even if it is, it's meaningless.
they call you all sort of negative names.
some say its your lost.
some say i deserve someone better.
some say i'd be a great gf.
but dont they ever get it?
saying all this doesnt make things better.
ironically, these are what i say when i'm comforting a lovelorn person.
and i can tell you truthfully, i dont give a shit about the comments they've made.
i've heard them a thousand times starting when i was 15.
after all, these are their views.
what i want is simply the views of the person whom i care.
then again, it's meaningless now.
i was reasoning with this person yesterday about the beauty of life.
when deep down, i'm being doubtful about it.
no, i aint blaming you.
neither am i expecting any sympathy whatsoever.
i just feel incongruous.
you were the first person i thought of when i got my results.
the image of you occupied my mind when i nearly fainted this morning.
whenever something happens, i want you to be the first to know.
but do i even occupy the slightest memory space in your mind?
and again, the answer to this is meaningless now.
sometimes i just forget that you're gone.
i'm afraid i'd bump into you coz you live so near.
if that happens,
should i just ignore you?
or behave as though i just bumped into a havent-contacted-for-a-long-time friend?
the weird thing is, why then do i keep looking out for you hoping to see you?
sheer contradiction, i know.
i cant comprehend such absurd thoughts either.
you appeared abruptly in my life.
and now you're gone,
as swiftly as you came.
even then, i'll never forget you.
please be happy.
take me with you
10:24 PM
